I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
