I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
