You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
