Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She's the barista slut.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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