so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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