Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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