Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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