I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
