apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
