Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
How external is "for external use only"?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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