HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
