I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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