ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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