If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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