He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
