JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
