god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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