I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
