Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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