I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
