Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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