I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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