i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
