Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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