we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
