So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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