Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
