I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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