U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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