"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
BRING THE BAGELS
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
