she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
