I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
