Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
