This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
