I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
