My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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