Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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