Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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