Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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