she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
