I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
