I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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