Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
