I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
