What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
