if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Bring me that man meat
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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