My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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