yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
