Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I have fence marks all over my body
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
