So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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