So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
